Anger Management

Today, a good friend told me that I have an anger management problem. Ironically, and quite rightfully proving the accusation, I reacted with rage. Thankfully, no holes on walls were accidentally made during the process.

Quite frankly, I am not one who easily takes criticism -- solicited or otherwise. Not that I do not want to hear my character flaws -- of which, I am fully aware I have heaps -- but because I consider it my personal prerogative to shield myself from the pain that such encounters do to my psyche. I may stubborn, hard-headed, conceited, proud, arrogant, self-centred, egotistic -- call me whatever you want to call me -- but I know myself. I am, in fact, my own worst critic. I am also my own shrink. I'm crazy in so many ways and the best part of it: I know it. I embrace my idiosyncrasies, my flaws and my imperfections with unabashed shamelessness. I take great pains to change myself and the last thing I need is someone to push me to the wall, give me hard punch on the face, provoke me in the process and expect me to walk away with a halo over my head.

For sure, I am no saint and this point does not even need to be belabored. What the heck, I can throw all cliches in the air and say, I am not perfect. Or I can be more creative and say that I am no dalai lama, nor have mastered the art of zen to hush the raving tigers within me and I may be imperfect in every way, ad infinitum... Those with the proper IQ will realize that self-deprecation can be cathartic. And if you have read this far and have not figured out what this is all about, then you may just be the object of one of my rare lunatic rages -- since I also have a low tolerance for incompetence and stupidity. Just kidding.

Going back to the topic. Come to think of it, I could actually make a long list exculpating myself. If I try a bit harder, I could actually also convince my friend and myself that I am not the one at fault. But these I will not do. I have come so far in my years and in my Christian walk to take the virtue of humility lightly. There is much to be learned in this world. God is trying to refine me, raise me and purify me: like gold tested on fire. And I will rise up to the challenge. Hard as it may be. Yeah, maybe I have anger an management problem -- and what the heck, a host of other defects too -- and if admitting the problem is solution enough, then maybe I'm on the right path.